Confidence

One of the largest problems with getting my writing done is that I have to beat down that inner critic that keeps telling me I can't do it. As I'm writing I keep worrying that it's not good enough, that I don't have enough time or space or good ideas and I just freeze. Part of it might be that I'm giving up a lot to complete this: other activities like drawing and playing video games, some social activities and some time that I need to complete school assignments. I realized that I'm doing too much. My only completely free evening is Monday. Tuesday I have class late, Wednesday I have dodgeball, Thursday I have badminton or readings to go to, Friday I have badminton AND bowling, Saturday is set aside for social activities and half of my Sundays I visit my grandparents. I guess the fact that I'm sick doesn't help me either since my brain is practically on fire half the time.

I find I'm appreciating my fiction writing class so much more, only my classmates are no longer holding back. I noticed that the first round of reviews were a lot more positive than the ones I received last night. I read through them all, and though I noticed they all more or less pointed out the same aspects, they were a lot more critical. This is what I want, but sometimes they were hard to read, just because I knew that this story wasn't the best I could do. But then I thought, what if it is? I'm silly to think like that (I even got a slightly better mark on this short story than the last), but I can help but think I'm just delusional about my writing. I tried not to think too much about it last night, but I ended up having a writing nightmare anyway. Well maybe not a nightmare, but it was a little disheartening (and hilarious) none-the-less.

I need to set aside a certain period of time just to DO my writing. And when I do it I can't allow myself to think outside the story. I am half-way through Chapter 4 and I HAVE to be done chapter 5 by the weekend. I did the math, and on average I have to complete two chapters a week to be able to meet the deadline I want to. I also have to fit in school work, two vacations I can't pay for and other exploits in between. Time budget anyone?

(this is the most emo I'm going to get with my writing posts, so no worries eh?)