Full Circle

It's a momentous hour (at least for myself and the Freets of course), for I have just written the section concerning the completion of the first CMD (aka Clear Mind Devices). Why is this a momentous hour? Not only is it the device intended to give the Freets the upperhand in their rebellious war, but this is the very event I began with five years ago when I first started writing WMRR back in my high school days. Man have I come a long way. I pulled up the first chapter I ever wrote in the development of WMRR, and it's aweful. My writing and story-telling has improved and I finally have a way to show it. So, as a special treat for my non-existant viewers (apologies to any that actually DO keep up with this blog), I have decided to post segments from both versions. Enjoy!

-+-

Current Version (largely unedited since I JUST finished it):

Ash slipped into the circle and watched as the small, metallic rectangle made its way slowly towards him. Jennifer was the last to look it over when she handed it to Ash. She placed it in his open hand, face was almost reverent. He was shocked at how light it was. He turned the thumb-sized box in his hands, examining the display on the front and the chip with two tiny prongs at the back. He passed it back to Jennifer. She turned it over and activated it. The device made no noise as it glowed with life.

“There you have it ladies and gents,” she said, holding it out for everyone to see. “Light-weight, flexible and virtually undetectable. Three years of research and development and we finally have the final element to win this war. This will give us the protection we need against Popular power. Once we beta test the prototype, we'll have everything we need to make our move this fall.”

“Speaking of beta testing,” Ash started as he spotted Dedrad out of the corner of his eye, “I have clearance to take the CMD on the next mission to see how it performs.”

“Really,” said Jennifer, who didn't look all that surprised.

“For once I'm not messing with you,” he said, holding out the memo for her to read.

She gave the device to Joey, who nodded and eyed Ash with the same disgusted look. She scanned the memo and nodded, passing it back to Ash.

“Well I suppose you'll need to know how to use it then. Honey, could you get the headband for me?” she asked, turning to Joey.

The rest of the research team dispersed to celebrate in another room with whatever wine stores they could dig up. Dedrad joined Ash and Jennifer, picking up the device and examining it himself. He smiled as he ran a finger over the top of it.

“Did you talk to Poten?” asked Ash under his breath to Dedrad.

“No, but he wants to see us in an hour. We're supposed to bring the device. He wants to see it.”

“But you talked to Grypt?”

“Yes. He was with Dan, knee-deep in machine parts downstairs.”

“Have you seen Myra?”

“No, I have no idea where she is.”

Ash just nodded as Joey returned with the headband. Jennifer attached the CMD to the side of the plaint, black band. She handed it to Ash, who tested the band's elasticity in his hands.

“Basically all you need to do is place the band around your head with the device sitting in the centre at the back of your head. Once you have it in position, press the button on your right-hand side. It's marked red on there so you know which one.”

“Kind of hard to see the red when it's at the back of my head,” retorted Ash.

“Look before you put it on Ash,” she said, strain in her voice. “Once it's on, you'll be able to feel where to press. We've marked it quite well.”

Jennifer sighed and reached over to sign a paper on Joey's clipboard. Ash pulled the band onto his head and adjusted the device until it was comfortably sitting where Jennifer indicated. Ash shook his head once or twice to ensure the band was secure. He didn't like the constriction. He felt like his head was in a vice.

“Pushing the button activates a connection apparatus with will connect the device to your nervous system. From there, you'll be able to tap into the machine's power,” Jennifer continued.

Ash reached behind his head and felt for the button on its side. He pressed it and felt a minor tingling sensation as the tiny prongs attached themselves to his skull. Ash moved his head around, but felt no tugging or pulling on the area. After allowing the device a moment to warm up, he felt a familiar feed of power surge through his body. It wasn't nearly as powerful as the coffee machine was, but he certainly felt a significant increase in mental and physical strength.

“Could we adapt this so I didn't have to wear a headband? I hate headbands.”

“Well that's too bad,” said Joey before Jennifer could answer. “It was made specially for use on the head. It's the most direct path for this type of energy application.”

“Really? Because I'm fairly positive that humans have nerves all over their body. Though I could be wrong.”

“They aren't adapted to work that way. There's no way to tap into the power. Maybe, within a few more months of research we can, but we don't have that much time on our hands. If you don't like it, don't use it. Just don't come crying to me when Laelaps turn your Mind into pudding.”

“Yeah, then it would leak out of the holes these things are going to be constantly punching in my head. I'm sure there's another way.”

“There's---”

“I know, I know. Lord love a duck, don't give yourself a hernia,” Ash snapped, deactivating the device before taking it off.

He ignored Joey's sputtering and held the CMD out for Jennifer, but she shook her head.

“You're beta testing; you hold onto it. Just don't lose it or break it, or I will kill you.”

-+-

First version (edited many times believe it or not):

Four hours later the project was complete. Ash was incredibly tired after yelling non-stop, chucking clipboards at various people, and bringing about half the technicians in the room to tears. Supervising was hard work.
Jennifer presented the device they had worked so hard on, to Ash. He took it in his hands and studied it. It was small and compact, only being the size of his thumb. It did not look complicated or important, but it was the device that would give them a huge advantage in the war.

“I have to admit, I was worried when the first dozen tests or so went horribly wrong, but now…” Ash trailed off passing the device through his fingers.

“We’ve done some good work sir,” Jennifer pointed out.

“Indeed we have,” Ash agreed. “I would personally like to try our first working prototype. That way I can decide if there needs to be any adjustments from there.”

“I suppose that’ll be alright…”

“Of course it will.”

Ash slipped the device onto his head. The headband supporting it fit snug and secure over his thick, brown hair.

“Wonderful…it’s light-weight, flexible, and if we turn it on,” Ash said activating the device, “it makes no noise and is virtually undetectable. Of course we’ll have to remodel it so that we don’t need the headband. I hate headbands.”

“Whatever you say sir, but for now it’ll have to stay that way. Once we move past the prototype stage, we’ll be able to make modifications.”

“Very well, but I still want to get rid of the headband.”

The technicians began to shut down their workstations and head for bed. It was two in the morning. Ash yawned and was about to head for bed himself when Dedrad walked in.

-+-

Overall, Ash's character hasn't changed all that much. The events have largely since this is almost halfway through the novel rather than at the beginning. Jennifer and Joey are WAY more interesting, I use more sophisticated descriptions (though I still fail quite a bit in that department) and I've worked a lot harder on the little details. The writing still has a long way to go, but what makes me happy is I'm getting better. At least I think I am...God I hope so. I guess you can decide for yourselves.

Steamrolled

Never get plot-related advice from me. It will most likely be useless or random. Or both.

Friend says:
-now how exactly should i have her sacrificed?
Dr. Schwa says:
-steamroller in a football field
-Austin Powers style
Friend says:
-naw, they're on top of a hill at sunset in white linen dresses
-with a rock platform conveniently there
Dr. Schwa says:
-steamroller on a hill over a rock platform
-Austin Powers style

...

Dr. Schwa says:
-you know it's a party when stomach and colon juices, fecal matter and random giblets are involved

My last post was censored by the internet filter at the place I was borrowing internet from. No idea why. Maybe it exploded when it processed the name of the post. I can't even process it. I HAVE been good at breaking stuff lately. In my defence, no one told me the computer at work would crash if I slightly nudge the wires under the cash desk...honestly.

Also, can people stop giving me their colds? I'm getting annoyed with being sick all the time.

Philluppus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohnhem

Aka Paracelsus

I just loved the name. At any rate, I have determined that this fall at school is Erasmus Term! I'm writing at least one paper on him and devising a short story based on one of his written works. This includes the manners of children in a modern-day setting...performed by an adult at a mall. I'm having fun. I figured I needed to get a head start and try harder since my first story was pretty god-awful. I think most of my friends are getting tired of me saying that, so I will say it here for the last time and never speak of it again. I'll fix it one day. I like the idea, though it's difficult.

Also yesterday I picked up "How to Train Your Dragon" and the new Linkin Park album "A Thousand Suns". I love the movie. It's adorable, has a lot of fun scenes, creative (even if it does have some...unViking-like Vikings) and it has dragons. DRAGONS. Yeah. The Linkin Park CD isn't bad. It's weird because two of the songs on the CD would be perfect theme songs for a couple of my friends. It's definitely a different sound, but I don't mind. Some people really hate how they've changed, but change is normal. If they didn't try new techniques and styles they'd end up like Nickleback. OHHHHHHHHH.

I am also not sick anymore. Well mostly not sick. I'm still pretty exhausted, but I feel so much better than the weekend. Pro tip guys: don't get the flu. I find it ironic because RIGHT after I said to someone I don't get flu shots, I got the flu. OHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anyhow, back to work. I have some outlines to produce. OHHHHHHHHH.

Here is a fun video involving philosophy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3QZ2Ko-FOg&feature=related

(I actually don't mind Nickleback. If you only listen to a few songs by them, it doesn't seem so redundant.)

(Also, I don't get flu shots because when my father got one when I was younger, he was bed-ridden for a week...I also never got the H1N1 shot and never got it. OHHHHHHHHHH).

One Book, One Calgary

I figured since the event involved my city and my professor's book I should mention it. Essentially "One book, One Calgary" is a month-long event with the goal in mind to get everyone in Calgary, Alberta, Canada to read a book. The first book to be read over the month of November is "Mavericks: An Incorrigible History of Alberta" by Aritha van Herk. So everone in Calgary should pick up a copy from your local bookstore or library and give it a read. I can assure you it's a good one. Another book to note at this time is John Boyko's "Bennett: The Rebel Who Challenged a Nation". This second book is about the Canadian Prime Minister Richard Bedford Bennett, where more unknown aspects of his life is explored. Don't dismiss either one because they are histories, biographies, or "boring" Canadian topics, both book have been written to be informative, insightful and (most importantly) entertaining. I will be picking both up this month to give them a good read.

-I went to a presentation of both of the above mentioned books today as the first event of Wordfest (literary festival in Calgary) and I can vouch for both works even though I haven't read them yet. Both authors were intelligent, well-spoken and quite funny. CHECK THE BOOKS OUT PEOPLE. IT'S GOOD TO BE WELL-READ.

http://calgaryculture.com/content/one-book-one-calgary


There's a posse
of people
wearing black hoodies
-This evening's spoken poetry by Maxine, Kristy and myself (but mostly Maxine and Kristy because they are awesome)

Also, I'm typing this here because I need to remember it: "I Thought It Was Effective"

Oh yeah

I meant to post an update.

It's not much different from last time but...

Rough Draft Completion: 48%
Overall completion: 36%
Word Count: 48,564

Almost done my critiques aaaaaa

I am making them more creative and interesting than last year's.

I have been told to do so.

That and not use padding language like "quite" and "rather" and "almost" and "fairly".

I give thee permission to slap mine wrists if I shalt engage in such frivolity.

I don't even think that works in Middle English (or something).

Mark it down as an epic fail on my part.

I don't know why I put a space between all my sentences.

String Cheese Manifesto

So my shit-tascular week is thankfully over. Tomorrow I'll get my poorly-written first short story torn to itty bitty bits. My class is generally good about being gentle with such matters, but it will be painful none-the-less. I am planning on actually going to all my classes this week (perish the thought) and I also plan to write like a madman...er woman.

I had about 4 days where I did absolutely nothing. I had to put my dog down last week, which really wounded me in a lot of ways. I'm still recovering. I'm just glad she had a long, mostly healthy life (nearly fifteen years...where the last year she was ill with Cushings). I'll miss her a lot, but I think after a weekend of mourning, spending time with family and friends and being lazy, I am ready to get serious about school and writing again.

I have two tiny little pieces breaking up chapter 8 and 9, which I am actually going to finish today (horray for outragiously long delays). Then I can move on to something completely different, chapter 10. I'm excited to write this one. Here we get a perspective deviating from what I've been writing for the first 90ish pages (it will be around 90 when I'm done the two chapters). I will post a completion percentage update later today when I'm done.

In other news, I have a Dungeon Keeper mission to play and record, my hours at work have been drastically reduced (THANK GOD), I get the Thanksgiving weekend off, we are probably not going to Vegas because we are all dirt-poor and I posted my first assignment in Fiction II here: http://drschwa.deviantart.com/#/d2zyycl. Some wonderful person favourited it. That made my day Saturday. It's not my finest work by any means, but I had a lot of fun writing it, which is what counts in the end.

More news unrelated to me!

All writers that come across this should check out:
http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2010/feb/09/the-dull-new-global-novel/
This is disturbing in many ways. Good that works can be shared globally...bad in every other sense...

Contests!

First Person Narrative National Essay Contest
Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives
This Year’s Topic ~ Where I Come From
Essay Length ~ 2000-2500 words.
1st prize $500.00
2nd prize $300.00
3rd prize $200.00

With a special prize of $100.00 for Best Under Nineteen
Prizewinning essays will be selected by award-winning writer and CBC Radio Host
Bill Richardson and by Anne Fleming critically acclaimed author and creative writing teacher.

Submission Due Date ~ November 1, 2010
Prize Winners announced ~ December 10, 2010

Entries should be typed, single-sided, and double-spaced with your name, address and story title on a separate sheet. Parent/Guardian signature required for anyone under 19. Forms can be found on our web site. Entry fee is $10.00 payable to Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives by cheque. Free for anyone under 19. Contest details available at www.clga.ca

Send your stories, with payment, to
Jennifer Coffey
Managing Editor, QA
106 Walpole Avenue
Toronto ON M4L 2J3
The contest is open to all ages and all backgrounds.
All entries will be considered for publication in Keeping Our Stories Alive, Volume 1, A Journal of the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives.

ANDDDD ANOTHER ONE (For Canadians only sorry!)

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
18th Annual Short Prose Competition
for Developing Writers
$2,500 PRIZE

The Writers’ Union of Canada is pleased to announce that submissions are being accepted until November 10, 2010
for the 18TH ANNUAL SHORT PROSE COMPETITION FOR DEVELOPING WRITERS.
The winning entry will be the best Canadian work of 2,500 words in the English language, fiction or nonfiction, written by an unpublished author.

PRIZE
$2,500 for the winning entry and the entries of the winner and finalists will be submitted to three Canadian magazines.

JURY
Writers Tarek Fatah, K.V. Johansen, and Sharon Pollock will serve as the jury.

ELIGIBILITY
This competition is open to all Canadian citizens and landed immigrants who have not had a book published by a
commercial or university press in any genre and who do not currently have a contract with a book publisher. Original
and unpublished (English language) fiction or nonfiction.

HOW TO SUBMIT ENTRIES:
· Entries should be typed, double-spaced, in a clear twelve point font, and the pages numbered on 8.5 x 11 paper,
not stapled.
· Submissions will be accepted by hardcopy only.
· Include a separate cover letter with title of story, full name, address, phone number, e-mail address, word count,
and number of pages of entry.
· Please type the name of entrant and the title of entry on each numbered page. This is not a blind competition.
· Make cheque or money order payable to The Writers' Union of Canada. Multiple entries can be submitted
together and fees can be added and paid with one cheque or money order, $25 per submission.
· Entries must be postmarked by November 10, 2010 to be eligible. Results will be announced in February 2011.
· Mail entries to: WFC Competition, The Writers’ Union of Canada, 90 Richmond Street East, Suite 200,
Toronto, ON M5C 1P1.
Results will be posted at www.writersunion.ca. Manuscripts will not be returned.


WOW long post. Last, but certainly not least...

Lately we've been talking in class about the differences between Albertan (North American Western) writers and other larger centres of writing like New York and Ontario. All those huge writing centres are so cut-throat and competative, which is good in a lot of ways, but after our class discussions, I have a new respect from writers who aren't attracted to those places. I recently went to a reading here in Calgary, and all the writers and other literature-related people were all so kind and talkative. We all don't mind helping each other out and sharing our writing experience with each other. Maybe this is because we aren't a HUGE centre of writing, but this is why I share contests and news. I like that kind of cooperative community.