Christmas

I must say it didn't feel like Christmas to me. Don't get me wrong, my day was wonderful, and relaxing. There's still something deeply unsettling, like the world's fraying a little at the edges. I just don't understand Christmas. I think I knew at one point, but I'm not sure anymore. I love to buy gifts for everyone and I got so see some special moments and had a good time with friends and family, but I don't know why we need a holiday to do it, and I don't know why we have to spend our life savings on stuff we really don't need.

That said, I'd be lying if I said presents and food and cookies and decorating trees and spending a whole day with family wasn't something I enjoyed.

I think this is why I have such a problem with it. Like so many other concepts, ideas and events, I can't decide what I believe overall. I might just be a little cynical and off from this term. It really did mess me up. I never want to go through that again. I have fears and thoughts I've never had before...which is tough to deal with. I have another possible huge blow coming my way and I know I won't survive that without some serious damage. My world is changing and with it, the way I see everything. Everything is a lot less real now, if that makes sense. I suppose that's why I've written so much in the past few weeks...and none of it related to WMRR.

Nearly 20,000 words in the span of about 14 days. It's taken me 5 years to write 60,000 words. It's so strange and yet, I think it's because I have no plans for this new project. True the writing is...lacking, but I'm exploring subjects I've never touched before. And I have tension!

If I've learned anything this past year...it's that nothing ever happens the way you want it to. I can't force my image of what I want the world to be on what it actually is. I still have a lot to figure out, but I think one of the keys is patience and compromise. I don't want to be angry anymore.

I have a lot of recording and writing to do. Maybe this year...WMRR will finally be complete (ha ha ha...right).

Sorry for the introspective journey. The ghost of Christmas fail visited me.

Aftermath

I've been lazy with a lot of aspects of my life right now. I haven't been keeping up with regular writing due to this, but I'm finally getting back into it. I didn't check when my last post was, but I know it was over a month ago. So let's see...

I was sick constantly for a month. After three different strains of the flu I considered myself a walking biohazard. I had to go to court as a witness, which really took a lot out of me. My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago...been trying to think of an appropriate project that will honour her memory.

Now I'm dealing with the Christmas rush. I'm really looking forward to the holiday this year. I especially look forward to sitting under the Christmas tree with a cup of hot chocolate or chai while listening to music. I have to work for the season, but I'm happy to for once since I really enjoy the people I work with and the jobs I have (for the most part). I think I may have complained about one aspect of it earlier, but I should be careful what I say. I'll just note that I'm not pleased with any of the recent policies that have been implemented. We have lost a lot of people because of it, customer and employee.

Finishing up my classes. I have the last one tomorrow. I will be sad to leave it because I've made my first real friends from history in there. It's been fun. We're all supposed to bring in finger foods that represent us. I still don't have a food item! As for my other friends and projects...I've really been neglecting them.

I've retreated into this shell that I'm breaking out of again. The result of this has been some...interesting writing on my part. I wrote 10000 words in the span of 3 days, which is impressive since that's 1/7 of the material I have for my current version of WMRR...and that has taken me a couple of years. It's darker material for sure, but I think it's good for me to try new styles, approaches and content. I like the concept behind it, but I don't know if I'll be able to flesh the whole work out. I've also been writing poetry (le gasp), but I'm not ready to share it. I currently have it on a DeviantArt account of mine, but the name, for now, shall remain a secret. It's not that good anyway.

And it involves a disgusting amount of angst.

As for video editing, I have a new computer, but I messed up the installation of my Windows OS. I wanted to be able to boot into either a Mac OS or a Windows OS, but I can only boot into the Windows at this time. Therefore I cannot install video editing and recording software until I have this sorted out. As such, I will be continuing with the Dungeon Siege LP and my Dungeon Keeper walkthrough. I plan on finishing both before the new year. That way, I can start fresh.

As for further writing...I have sent WMRR to a reader of mine...a trusted friend. She's going to give me a little feedback on the areas I need to improve on. I know it's breaking the rules, but I want a few opinions on the plot points. I'm going to be rewriting and taking stuff out eventually anyway. I will try and get chapter 13 and 14 done in December as well. Then again, I'll probably just end up writing more of the new project since it's in my mind at the moment.

For now, I focus on the last bits of school, my final and a short paper, and coming up with a delectable finger food.

Also...Skyrim. Let's just say...I may or may not have about 70 hours of gameplay thus far. Haven't even touched Assassin's Creed Revelations yet!

I have a problem.