Waiting for Work

Browsing through a couple chapters and I come across this little bit on a placeholder page for a chapter.

I hardly remember this.

This document is riddled with frustrated spaz fests.


Happy Wednesday.

Melodrama

Staring blankly, knowing the words exist, that they yearn to be uttered. Important people in important places,
talking and scheming and countering perceived evil. They live, breath, act their parts, playing games
with fear and power, one man growing ever paranoid and powerless himself. This room, a nexus of paths.
Staring blankly, glued to the chair, free in theory, bound in practice. You cannot leave. You cannot
escape. This must be done. It is time.

And the only sound in the room, a constant release of a single consonant.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

And the curse repeats itself again and again.

That is the writing process. Forcing yourself to put words on the page, while fighting the urge to print the damn thing off so you can crumple it up and devour it, or throw it in the air, preferably down the stairs and estimate how many will end up in unreachable places. Then you stop yourself from continuing the story with your forehead against the keyboard. And the entire time, that constant ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff followed by every curse you can think of.

And then you go get tea and play video games instead.




Chapter 12 still isn't done.

I Write Weird Things

Ash gets assaulted by a suit of advanced armour.

...and thus began the angry adventures of Hash O'Tool.

Lists and Categories

I used to get so stressed out whenever I loaned people my pencil crayons back in elementary and Jr. High school. I had every pencil lined up in a perfect spectrum of colour, taking one to three out of the case at a time whenever I needed them so I could easily place them back where they belonged. This was not the case when other students borrowed them. They'd use multiple pencils at a time and when I received them back I had to take several minutes to place them all back in the same spots before I could relax. 

This is a problem for me. I am still very much like this where I develop patterns and lists and categories for items or information and I feel the need to organize it in a specific way over and over again. This is a huge problem I encounter in writing as I fall into these habits and means of organizing thoughts, which can make my writing stale and repetitive. I'm discovering very quickly that I need to make myself uncomfortable with my own writing and smash those walls of the boxes I create in my head (god damned catwalks man...they turn up like five times in the narrative).

I have broken out of a linear strategy of writing. I am writing segments all over the place now and it's stressing me out some because while I can write the pieces in my mind wherever I want at any time, I am terrified that there will be too many inconsistencies or aspects I forgot about. I suppose this is what editing is for? 

Production is accelerating. I am 100% sure I will be finished my first draft this year. Maybe even by the end of summer. I am excited, but I have so much to do.

Very close to 170,000 words. I stressed myself out yesterday writing one part. I may be getting a bit too invested in what's going on. 

Fill in the Gaps

Ever take one of those fill in the gap tests in school? Yeah, now think of that, but only the gaps are multiple paragraphs long and there are about 15 sections that need to be filled in. That said, I'm writing this a lot faster with this method. I can't decide if that's good or not.

If I ever send this to anyone in this state I'll have to tell them to mind the gap.

Dem Tunes

Music that kicks my brain into functionality. 

Come with Me Now

Round and Round

Undefeated

X-ray Dog tracks (though not the ones I was looking for due to the YouTube Purge - Generals, Metal Mayhem, Cyberworld, Dead Inside, Imperial Force)

Fire

Metalforge

Brain Stew (Godzilla Remix)

Garands

Iron Soul

Enigmatic Soul 

...

SOULS

Where Mighty Rivers Run

November 6, 2005

I didn't know it had been that long, but I have had this idea in my head for approximately 8 years, 4 months and 8 days. Or, if you want to be more specific...3048 days. Considering that I have been alive for over 9000 days as of January (knowledge courtesy of Creepy Zoo Guy), I have been thinking about, or working on this project through three different versions, for a just over a third of my life.

I really need to finish this damn thing. I'm glad I have a plan for more work because it'll be WEIRD when I'm done this project. It's this year. I know that for certain now. I WILL finish this, even if it goes nowhere from there. I am determined.

Looking Back

Found the writer's guide I wrote about three years ago while I was still in university. It still has some good points, but it's one of those instances where you look back and say "was I really that much of a pretentious little shit?" Okay, it's not THAT bad, but I'm not sure if I'd agree with some of the points I made back then. I should go through it in much more detail, just out of curiosity.

I haven't lost the tendency to make massive documents containing guidelines and tips, however. I spend a good hour and a half this morning editing and adding to a document I've been using off and on to help with writing and editing projects at my work...among other content. That's how I even remembered the old guide in the first place. I wonder if anyone actually reads or uses it...

WMRR is a giant mess of good and bad writing. The guide has brought up some good points to look at when I'm editing this (hopefully) at the end of the year. I am determined to get this done. No jokes this time. For real. I'm sitting at over 150,000 words at the moment, and I shudder to think at the kind of work I'll need to do to try and reduce that as I'll probably try to get it published one day. That's what I hope for, but whether it happens or not is another story. At the very least, a couple people have expressed their desire to read it.

http://theliteraryproject.blogspot.ca/
http://womagwriter.blogspot.ca/
http://aescifi.ca/index.php/non-fiction/39-contests/2183-announcing-ae-micro-5

First is the blog of a person I know who also writes and has some interesting insights into Librarian work.
Second was recommended to me as a good guide to help with getting work into the market.
Last is a contest I intend on entering. I'm trying to encourage others to enter, mostly because I know I have no chance of winning and would love to see someone I know published instead.

Budding

The monster chapter became two chapters. The only problem is that I need to change my plans for chapter 18 and what I'm writing about there. I think I might have to switch the OH I JUST THOUGHT OF WHAT I COULD DO. I might just be a genius at 1:30 in the morning. Of course this means I need to finish chapter 12 finally, but that's OK. Well maybe not. I haven't been so stuck on anything I've written in my life. Ugh. Regardless, I have an entire interlude to complete before that has to see the light of day. Perhaps I should begin meditating on this section a little more and it'll come to me. Anyway, I just thought I'd say I'm about a paragraph and a few lines of dialogue from finally finishing chapter 16, which is now also chapter 17. I will be moving on after tonight.

Also, current word count: 115,488 and page count: 206

We're well into the latter half now folks. For the first time ever I can see a conclusion to this work in the near future. 

Architects

Broke 200 pages a couple days ago. I think I only really realized the significance of that milestone today, especially since I've finally reached and surpassed one of the points of this story that has been playing in my mind over and over again for many years. It took a slightly different shape than I had pictured it for so long, but it works better. I still have no idea how I came to write it the way I did. My mind is...strange. Maybe I melted my brain when I got heat exhaustion in Rome.

Currently sitting at 115,000 words at the moment. I still have a couple of small gaps to fill in for the juggernaut that is chapter 16. Let's see...we have a battle, an escape, a journey, a confrontation and a consultation all in one chapter. There's a hell of a lot of information that I packed into a couple of pages with intersecting thought processes, but it really all needs to be told from one perspective. The only other option I could think of would be to put the next interlude between the escape and the latter half of the chapter. Actually...that might work. I need to refer back to this post I think. For now, I'll leave it as is.

I reread a lot of what I wrote while I was travelling and noticed that it really wasn't that bad. My writing style has evolved some, and some slight changes (that I can thankfully pick out without too much difficulty) need to be made, but for the most part, it's fairly solid. Chapter 1 needs to be rewritten and chapter 3 needs to be heavily revised, but the other chapters are easy enough to work with and edit as is. This is good considering that this version, most of it technically version 2, not 3 (in the case of the first 4 chapters and the one interlude) was written about 3 or 4 years ago. I'd have to look back at my posts to figure out how long I've taken between each chapter to determine my work ethic for the last few chapters. Based off of my past motivation levels, I have BREEZED through chapter 16, monster that it is, in less than a couple weeks (if you ignore the 5 week hiatus in the middle, where I actually continued to work on it, in my mind and in its review on my e-reader).

So theoretically, after tonight (or tomorrow based on how long this tough little part will be) I will have chapters 1-11 and 13-16 finished. Chapter 12 is still a huge problem for me, but I will need to finish it within the next couple of weeks if I am to continue the narrative. It's...a little more crucial for the final 13 or so chapters that need to come. I'd like to say I'm close to the end, but I'm really more like 60% done. A few of the chapters to come WILL be short (the only chapter that will match chapter 16 in length I believe should come much later...near the end).

Lastly, I know, almost with 100% certainty how I will end this book. I think I will be happy with this ending. I want it to be an ending that leaves it open for the second and third books I have planned open, but at the same time with enough of a conclusion that I don't have to panic too much in beginning the next step. I don't even think I SHOULD be thinking of the next step yet considering I've been working on this for EIGHT YEARS. I started this when I was 15 or 16. I'm 24 now. Granted, I needed to hone my writing skills...am still honing them in fact. Honestly, I think they will always be in a perpetual state of honing. There is no perfection in my writing. Though if I have to be egotistical, just this once, I have delivered some damn good one-liners. Well, at least I'm entertained by them.

And it's all about having fun right?


My that was long-winded.

Super Hairdryers

This:
http://what-if.xkcd.com/35/

Also, quick update. I'm one chapter away from 100,000 words. Granted one of the portions written on that document may not be used, I'm still counting it. I will let you all know when I reach the number.

New Rewrite?

I am heavily debating beginning the next version of WMRR, just because the beginning is so weak. The quality of writing definitely improves over time and the poor start just gets on my nerves. I will be able to integrate it better with the latter half of the story. I personally believe that it starts to get better around Chapter 5. Chapter 4 isn't bad, it's just shorter than I would like and it's the last time a Chapter is written from Grypt's POV until CHAPTER 15. It makes sense as he is more of a support character and his character is to inherently exist in the background, but still, the reader needs to know what's going on with him as he plays an important role in the end. The first 3 chapters and Dedrad's Interlude are just...brutal. I could barely read it without getting uncomfortable with how terrible it is. Regardless, I still really like chapters 5-7, even though they need heavy editing.

The downside of the rewrite though is I will be stuck at chapter 15, and I really want to try and get this finished. I have been working on this for too long to be stuck on loop for the next few months. As school isn't exactly keeping me busy, I can focus on WMRR. Speaking of school, I am glad that I am almost finished. My classes are just silly this semester. I have no idea what we are doing or learning in my Art and the Media class. The prof has mysteriously gone missing and his students have taken over. I'm not sure they are 100% sure what they are supposed to be teaching, but at least they're giving it a shot. My communications class is good for meeting interesting classmates...and bad for pretty much everything else. I haven't learned too much, but the teacher's pretentiousness is enough to keep the lulz a-coming. History is interesting, but it's nothing I haven't seen before. I'm just glad I'm actually learning something in that class.

New Year, New Post

I did hardly anything over the break. I've been reluctant to continue WMRR because I lost a bit of it when my laptop finally died. Thankfully I was diligent about backing up the document (mostly out of paranoia) and only lost about 400 words worth of writing. I rewrote it better anyways.

Speaking of word counts, I am now officially over 90,000 words with the re-completion of chapter 14. The small bits I have of chapter 15 aren't as bad as I thought, and I've had some new insights on how I can complete chapter 12. There are just a few tiny plot points that aren't so tiny to hash out. I have been thinking on this aspect for the past 6 years and I'm still not sure how it will be resolved. I'm hoping that the answer will just...come to me as I write. I am also thinking of re-writing two of the stories I completed in my fiction writing years and see if I can get them cleaned up enough to try submitting them to some magazines or contests. I will learn quickly of the shame of rejection, but I shall try regardless.

Meanwhile...in class...

I walk in on my first day about two minutes too late and notice my prof was playing a cow bell. I still have no idea why. Also, I feel old. I'm pretty sure it's just me. When asked who was NOT intimidated by science in my communications class, only about five of us raised our hands...out of about 40. Then half the class was busy texting and playing games on their phone right in front of the prof. Again, maybe I'm just old and bitter, but why do people seem to be getting more disrespectful?

Plodding Away

I've been trying to write Jason's chapter again. I don't know why he's so difficult to write. Maybe it's because I can deviate much from what I planned on being said and done at this point, especially with how important the information in this chapter is to the story. I have a lot of the dialogue down, a lot of the character traits and I've even developed some plot points in my traditional writing manner, but still, the chapter remains unfinished. I think my other problem is I haven't got a "feel" for Jason's character yet. I want him to be more than an arrogant and angry. He needs to be likeable enough to count as a complex character and to have the ending I am planning MEAN something.

My philosophy in writing is that both sides of conflict need to have a face, a personality, a cause and a legitimate reason for why they do what they do. I don't believe in the archetypical villain who plots away in his tower with his only motivation as "I am evil." WMRR isn't that kind of story.

As for the next two chapters, I have a good idea of how they'll go down. I also finished a lot of the dialogue for a chapter after the next interlude (Myra's), which makes me feel better about not having done as much in the last month.

My video production has been difficult as well as I have just been BUSY. October was brutal in terms of being busy and being sick. I have had stomach issues for two weeks now, so I'll hopefully be seeing a doctor next week about that. Hopefully I don't have some infectious disease that will wipe out all of humanity as we know it.

Awww Yeah

Fixing plot holes, cleaning up dialogue and keeping characters consistent. This is what it's allllll about ladies and gentlemen!

...just not at 1 in the morning, heh.

Also...IS SOMEONE MOVING SHEET METAL OUTSIDE? What the heck is going on out there?

Catwalks and FRANCE

I seem to have a strange liking for catwalks. They're everywhere...taking over my soul.

Oh and I'm done Chapter 14, catwalks and all. Again, I'll need to fix the ending, but I like the strange way it has turned out. The plot is similar in events to version 1, but the rest comes down to location, location, location. I think I managed to write 15 pages on this one, which was WAY longer than I anticipated. I may have some clean-up to do later, but I'm on a roll for now. Also, I still need to fix Chapter 12.

Word Count: 92,631
Page Count: 162

Also, I just realized that the next page in my document starts with MEANWHILE, IN FRANCE. I'd be tempted to keep it for the sake of randomness, but I have no idea how it would fit into the chapter.

Bleigh

Thank god for Dan's claustrophobia. Chapter's just writing itself at this point. All it took was two months of agonizing over the wrong material to have it work itself out in about 30 minutes.

Also, I thought I was a genius by combining two future chapters. Turns out I'm an idiot because the problem was a little more complicated than I remember.

In other news...bleigh.

Expansion

The world of WMRR is getting bigger. I need to revamp a few parts. I already knew I'd need to rewrite chapter 1, but I also need to work on explaining the universe a little bit better. Right now, its mostly character-centred, which is what I want, but it needs to have a strong base in another world on another continent. This will be difficult, but I think I have all the pieces I need. In addition, I am expanding the story. If all goes according to plan, there will be two books after this, which I have the basic plots and aspects outlined. I have been thinking on how to continue the story after the first part. I always knew there would be more, but I was unsure of how to execute it. All I need is to figure out how all the players come together in the end, and who will ultimately come out on top.

And the purpose. What needs to be accomplished. That, right there, is the ultimate aspect. One I do not have the means to devise yet. I have no idea how it will all end, but I know how a lot of elements will come full circle. I have a lot of work cut out for me.

So essentially, based on my current work ethic and amount of words I am getting weekly, this project (all three books) will be completed in...25.6 years.  

Either I need to pick up the pace or get a new hobby.

Crossroads

This time last summer I began what would be the toughest year of my life. Looking back one year, I feel like it has been a lot longer. I've been very lucky to have a loving family that I have been close to, and quite frankly sheltered by, for many years. I'm at a crossroads in my life, like many other people my age, where I'm just trying to figure myself out and come to terms with all that's happened. I feel like I need to move on from a lot of this before I can seriously start writing again. It may even encourage me to write more or write better. Point is, I have no idea what to do with my life. I understand myself better in many respects, but mostly I just confuse myself. I know what I like, what I want, and yet I've completely lost sight of the few goals that I had. I need to reassert those goals, or WMRR is never going to be completed.

I don't take criticism very well. I take everything way too personally, which may be a product from my time on YouTube. I use it because it's one constant source that I can share my interests and communicate with people in ways I can't otherwise. I love to make videos, but the stress to constantly produce and deal with the people who insult and demean rather than give constructive pointers really gets to me. Makes me angry mostly, because these people have nothing of importance to say. It's a useless waste of letters, data and time. Lately I'm just crushed by the constant drivel I have to deal with and am seriously contemplating taking a break from video production. True, I get more positive feedback than negative, but I have other aspects like writing, friendships, job hunting, work and personal growth that I could be pouring this time and energy into instead of videos. I will finishing Dungeon Siege 2, because I hate unfinished business, but I can't say if I'll be immediately moving on to Broken World. 

I want to be in a place where WMRR jumps to the top 5 priorities in my life. Since my last post I've only written about 300 words. I just can't find a pocket of time I can have to myself before 11pm at night, and by that time I'm too tired to do any work. This makes me extremely frustrated, because the same is true for recording. I need seclusion, time and silence for both activities, which I just don't have anymore. And this means absolutely NO interruptions. I want to finish WMRR. I want to finish it so bad so I can go back, edit and fix everything. There are so many glaring mistakes that just eats away at me, but I can't let myself go back and fix yet because I'll end up rewriting the entire work again. 

My goal then is to have WMRR done in rough draft by the end of this year. I have made goals like this before, but I need to seriously work at it like I did a few years ago when I wanted to enter that contest. I want this story finished, even if it never sees publication, I want to know that I can complete a work as large as WMRR. So as a fair warning, I may be making a lot of changes to my goals and priorities in the next while. You have been warned.

I'm resisting the urge to put a smiley face on the end of that last sentence.

Not again...

Every year. EVERY year for some asinine reason I either forget or can't participate in free comic book day again. I forgot to go again today. I slept in because I was so tired, started playing some video games and then I looked over at my comic book and it hit me. Picture me screaming clichéd Hollywood "NOOOOOOOO" as I fall to my knees and crumple into a ball on the ground and roll around like a wounded animal. Yes, wounded animals roll around. On the ground. Screaming NOOOOOOO.

So...my plans were thwarted again, but at least I get to go on vacation tomorrow for a week so I'm not too upset. Probably won't get much writing done, so I'm trying to pump out at least a little bit today. I have a new plan to apply for manuscript writing. Despite my forgetfulness, I don't give up easy. I'm thinking work stories this time around. They seemed to be my most successful ones from my other writing classes. I need an outline and some writing done on it. I'm also thinking of using completely new material. I won't recycle like I did last year.

WMRR has been going through some changes. I know EXACTLY how I want chapter 12, so I just need to do the rewrites and filling in for that. We'll see how silly it sounds when it's finished. Chapter 13 is done, but needs a better ending. The one I have at the moment is pretty awful. Chapter 14 is off to a good start, but I have one hurdle to flail over before the words flow the way I want.

It's going to be intense guys. So, very, intense. I am super excited.

My geek week would have been over today with free comic book day so...yeah. Comic con, Avengers midnight premiere, cosplaying and posting tons of LP videos have shown me that I've fully embraced my nerd identity. I'm so proud of myself.

Avengers was the most amazing movie of my life by the way. Well...maybe second most amazing. Lord of the Rings is hard to beat.