Christmas

I must say it didn't feel like Christmas to me. Don't get me wrong, my day was wonderful, and relaxing. There's still something deeply unsettling, like the world's fraying a little at the edges. I just don't understand Christmas. I think I knew at one point, but I'm not sure anymore. I love to buy gifts for everyone and I got so see some special moments and had a good time with friends and family, but I don't know why we need a holiday to do it, and I don't know why we have to spend our life savings on stuff we really don't need.

That said, I'd be lying if I said presents and food and cookies and decorating trees and spending a whole day with family wasn't something I enjoyed.

I think this is why I have such a problem with it. Like so many other concepts, ideas and events, I can't decide what I believe overall. I might just be a little cynical and off from this term. It really did mess me up. I never want to go through that again. I have fears and thoughts I've never had before...which is tough to deal with. I have another possible huge blow coming my way and I know I won't survive that without some serious damage. My world is changing and with it, the way I see everything. Everything is a lot less real now, if that makes sense. I suppose that's why I've written so much in the past few weeks...and none of it related to WMRR.

Nearly 20,000 words in the span of about 14 days. It's taken me 5 years to write 60,000 words. It's so strange and yet, I think it's because I have no plans for this new project. True the writing is...lacking, but I'm exploring subjects I've never touched before. And I have tension!

If I've learned anything this past year...it's that nothing ever happens the way you want it to. I can't force my image of what I want the world to be on what it actually is. I still have a lot to figure out, but I think one of the keys is patience and compromise. I don't want to be angry anymore.

I have a lot of recording and writing to do. Maybe this year...WMRR will finally be complete (ha ha ha...right).

Sorry for the introspective journey. The ghost of Christmas fail visited me.

Aftermath

I've been lazy with a lot of aspects of my life right now. I haven't been keeping up with regular writing due to this, but I'm finally getting back into it. I didn't check when my last post was, but I know it was over a month ago. So let's see...

I was sick constantly for a month. After three different strains of the flu I considered myself a walking biohazard. I had to go to court as a witness, which really took a lot out of me. My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago...been trying to think of an appropriate project that will honour her memory.

Now I'm dealing with the Christmas rush. I'm really looking forward to the holiday this year. I especially look forward to sitting under the Christmas tree with a cup of hot chocolate or chai while listening to music. I have to work for the season, but I'm happy to for once since I really enjoy the people I work with and the jobs I have (for the most part). I think I may have complained about one aspect of it earlier, but I should be careful what I say. I'll just note that I'm not pleased with any of the recent policies that have been implemented. We have lost a lot of people because of it, customer and employee.

Finishing up my classes. I have the last one tomorrow. I will be sad to leave it because I've made my first real friends from history in there. It's been fun. We're all supposed to bring in finger foods that represent us. I still don't have a food item! As for my other friends and projects...I've really been neglecting them.

I've retreated into this shell that I'm breaking out of again. The result of this has been some...interesting writing on my part. I wrote 10000 words in the span of 3 days, which is impressive since that's 1/7 of the material I have for my current version of WMRR...and that has taken me a couple of years. It's darker material for sure, but I think it's good for me to try new styles, approaches and content. I like the concept behind it, but I don't know if I'll be able to flesh the whole work out. I've also been writing poetry (le gasp), but I'm not ready to share it. I currently have it on a DeviantArt account of mine, but the name, for now, shall remain a secret. It's not that good anyway.

And it involves a disgusting amount of angst.

As for video editing, I have a new computer, but I messed up the installation of my Windows OS. I wanted to be able to boot into either a Mac OS or a Windows OS, but I can only boot into the Windows at this time. Therefore I cannot install video editing and recording software until I have this sorted out. As such, I will be continuing with the Dungeon Siege LP and my Dungeon Keeper walkthrough. I plan on finishing both before the new year. That way, I can start fresh.

As for further writing...I have sent WMRR to a reader of mine...a trusted friend. She's going to give me a little feedback on the areas I need to improve on. I know it's breaking the rules, but I want a few opinions on the plot points. I'm going to be rewriting and taking stuff out eventually anyway. I will try and get chapter 13 and 14 done in December as well. Then again, I'll probably just end up writing more of the new project since it's in my mind at the moment.

For now, I focus on the last bits of school, my final and a short paper, and coming up with a delectable finger food.

Also...Skyrim. Let's just say...I may or may not have about 70 hours of gameplay thus far. Haven't even touched Assassin's Creed Revelations yet!

I have a problem.

Gotta Catch 'em All

Strains of flu. I've had three different ones on alternating weekends. I had the Norwalk this weekend and my glorious record of not puking in over 10 years has been shattered mercilessly. Aside from grossing all readers of this post out, I have been working on an outline for the rest of WMRR. I realized why I can't write chapter 13 yet (aside from overall lack of motivation and business). I actually have no idea what to do with it. It's a transition chapter. I need it to get some of the info out, but I have no idea which perspective to do it in and HOW I'm going to convey that information. All the other ones (save for maybe 1 or 2 that I'm uncertain of) have all been plotted out. I also decided what needed to be rewritten, revised or outright deleted. The trick is just starting the chapter. I know it will come to me once I start writing, but I'm just stuck on how to proceed. I suppose you can call it writer's block, but I think it's just hesitation.

Meanwhile in France:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWpLH3Jxxl8


ALSO: Apparently this is my 100th post so...yay?

Starting to Hate October

It wasn't too fun last year either.

Yeah so...lots of stuff going on. Family members aren't doing so well, school is crazy busy and I'm trying to fight the second bout of flu I've had this month. That said, not much writing work done on WMRR, but tons of planning. I finally worked out, 99% done, the details of the main plot that drives the story. I was stuck for a long time on this part, but I figured that if I threw enough against the wall, something was going to stick sooner or later. I have a difficult section to write because I don't even have a POV for the chapter itself (chapter 13) I know where I want to be by Chapter 15, but it's this part that's critical. I feel like I'm crawling to the top of the hill where I'll finally be able to roll down the other side and get some serious work done. It's slow, but at least I'm putting effort into it.

So...what's going on for the next month?
-Recording Age of Empires III campaign for RESEARCH (no joke)
-Recording chapter 3 and 4 of Dungeon Siege 1
-Finishing my Dungeon Keeper LP/Playthrough...because it's taken me too long
-Writing 3 large papers (apparently I need to learn how to write them better because I'm disorganized and can't communicate my ideas effectively...this may be a result of last minute all-nighters)
-coming up with topics for said papers
-Getting all three papers done before November 11
-Skyrim weekend marathon which will destroy all hopes of finishing papers
-Prepare for holidays

AND

FINALLY

-Work on WMRR!


We'll see how it goes.

In other news...I have a new mic:
http://www.bluemic.com/snowflake/

Sounds really crisp, I don't have to yell for the mic to pick up my voice properly and it's SHINY. Downside is it picks up EVERYTHING, so everyone can hear my laptop fan and hard drive.

Look What I Did!

I spent the last two days being terribly sick (and it was a pretty bad flu...I don't think I've ever been that confused and disoriented in a long time) and managed to get WAY behind in school work, and a little further ahead in writing. I wrote more of Chapter 12 and I think I have the Popular characters pretty much established the way I want to. I need to do a little editing on the back end to make sure that two of the characters are mentioned more...and I think make Jason look a little less like a raging psychopath.

That said I introduced a lot in Chapter 12 and brought a whole other plot thread to the table. I have the middle part to fill in and I need to fix a few points to make them flow better, but Chapter 12 is about 500 words short of being done (which is nothing). That said, I need to start thinking about what I want to do for the next five chapters or so. This is a huge turning point and A LOT of stuff is ganna go down. This next little bit is going to be fun, but it's venturing into waters that I haven't fully explored yet. From about Chapter 15 and on, it's going to be all NEW material. Nothing I've ever written for WMRR before.

In other news...

YouTube got mad at me over the summer for some music I posted...way back. Truth be told, I forgot that I had posted it, and now I have a black mark on my account. It may go away in six months, but it might not, so I can't post videos longer than 15 minutes now. I also can't make the videos "unlisted" or change the licensing on them...which is kind of weird. At any rate, I'll be posting some of my longer videos on another account now. I'm going to start being VERY careful about what I post on YouTube now, because they're pretty anal about what's kosher and what's not. I'm just upset that I didn't take it down before this all happened.

EversorFatalis' Channel

Let's Play Dungeon Siege videos are up at the above link if anyone is interested.

Is That You Murphy?

Events and circumstances have gone from bad to worse. Among them have been health issues, train failures, useless libraries, excessive readings, basement floodings, terrible sleeps, betrayals, personal set-backs, irritating work environments, little writing, too much work and a general amount of bad luck. I shouldn't complain, but I have no idea what's going on. I'm just waiting for something to go up in flames.

I've put recent thought into another project of mine, which I may start up. WMRR is on the back burner, though I've decided to rewrite a portion of Chapter 12 that I've done because it sucks. I have to admit...I'm really stuck. It's not so much writers block as it is lack of motivation. I want to continue and complete this, but it's just harder and harder to do so. I'm foreseeing a lot more time after November, but right now it's a whirlwind of disaster.

I'll be posting an update on progress and what I've decided to do in the next little while as long as I don't catch the bubonic plague or spontaniously combust in the next few days.

It's times like these where having an unopened bottle of whiskey on your desk is a bad idea. I should probably get rid of it.

One Month

And I've hardly done anything.

The last few weeks have been really tough to get through, and I haven't been motivated to do much. I didn't get into manuscript writing, my grandparents' health has taken a turn for the worse, and I've learned another extended family is probably only going to live until the new year. I've also had health problems so...whoopie.

I'm a believer in karma however, so I'm sure the situation will turn around. Eventually. My hope boat's a leaky dinghy, but I'm working on repairs. The next few weeks are crucial here...

Which brings me to the reason for this blog post. I'm not giving up on the writing, because despite all that's gone on, I still have a strong desire to write. School is going to be busy, I have two jobs, and there is the previous issues I have mentioned, so I probably won't be posting that often, or making the progress on WMRR that I want. I'm still stuck on the one chapter, mainly because I don't know how the conversation is going to run and I need to review the character and how I want him set up.


In the meantime...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5Vu1iWvpIc

I made a dodgeball video...the second one for Superman That Throw. I don't think it's as good as the first one though.