Crossroads

This time last summer I began what would be the toughest year of my life. Looking back one year, I feel like it has been a lot longer. I've been very lucky to have a loving family that I have been close to, and quite frankly sheltered by, for many years. I'm at a crossroads in my life, like many other people my age, where I'm just trying to figure myself out and come to terms with all that's happened. I feel like I need to move on from a lot of this before I can seriously start writing again. It may even encourage me to write more or write better. Point is, I have no idea what to do with my life. I understand myself better in many respects, but mostly I just confuse myself. I know what I like, what I want, and yet I've completely lost sight of the few goals that I had. I need to reassert those goals, or WMRR is never going to be completed.

I don't take criticism very well. I take everything way too personally, which may be a product from my time on YouTube. I use it because it's one constant source that I can share my interests and communicate with people in ways I can't otherwise. I love to make videos, but the stress to constantly produce and deal with the people who insult and demean rather than give constructive pointers really gets to me. Makes me angry mostly, because these people have nothing of importance to say. It's a useless waste of letters, data and time. Lately I'm just crushed by the constant drivel I have to deal with and am seriously contemplating taking a break from video production. True, I get more positive feedback than negative, but I have other aspects like writing, friendships, job hunting, work and personal growth that I could be pouring this time and energy into instead of videos. I will finishing Dungeon Siege 2, because I hate unfinished business, but I can't say if I'll be immediately moving on to Broken World. 

I want to be in a place where WMRR jumps to the top 5 priorities in my life. Since my last post I've only written about 300 words. I just can't find a pocket of time I can have to myself before 11pm at night, and by that time I'm too tired to do any work. This makes me extremely frustrated, because the same is true for recording. I need seclusion, time and silence for both activities, which I just don't have anymore. And this means absolutely NO interruptions. I want to finish WMRR. I want to finish it so bad so I can go back, edit and fix everything. There are so many glaring mistakes that just eats away at me, but I can't let myself go back and fix yet because I'll end up rewriting the entire work again. 

My goal then is to have WMRR done in rough draft by the end of this year. I have made goals like this before, but I need to seriously work at it like I did a few years ago when I wanted to enter that contest. I want this story finished, even if it never sees publication, I want to know that I can complete a work as large as WMRR. So as a fair warning, I may be making a lot of changes to my goals and priorities in the next while. You have been warned.

I'm resisting the urge to put a smiley face on the end of that last sentence.

Not again...

Every year. EVERY year for some asinine reason I either forget or can't participate in free comic book day again. I forgot to go again today. I slept in because I was so tired, started playing some video games and then I looked over at my comic book and it hit me. Picture me screaming clichéd Hollywood "NOOOOOOOO" as I fall to my knees and crumple into a ball on the ground and roll around like a wounded animal. Yes, wounded animals roll around. On the ground. Screaming NOOOOOOO.

So...my plans were thwarted again, but at least I get to go on vacation tomorrow for a week so I'm not too upset. Probably won't get much writing done, so I'm trying to pump out at least a little bit today. I have a new plan to apply for manuscript writing. Despite my forgetfulness, I don't give up easy. I'm thinking work stories this time around. They seemed to be my most successful ones from my other writing classes. I need an outline and some writing done on it. I'm also thinking of using completely new material. I won't recycle like I did last year.

WMRR has been going through some changes. I know EXACTLY how I want chapter 12, so I just need to do the rewrites and filling in for that. We'll see how silly it sounds when it's finished. Chapter 13 is done, but needs a better ending. The one I have at the moment is pretty awful. Chapter 14 is off to a good start, but I have one hurdle to flail over before the words flow the way I want.

It's going to be intense guys. So, very, intense. I am super excited.

My geek week would have been over today with free comic book day so...yeah. Comic con, Avengers midnight premiere, cosplaying and posting tons of LP videos have shown me that I've fully embraced my nerd identity. I'm so proud of myself.

Avengers was the most amazing movie of my life by the way. Well...maybe second most amazing. Lord of the Rings is hard to beat.

Short Term Memory?

I could have sworn that I posted here in the new year already, but maybe that was something else.

So, it's been quite a busy week for crazy events happening. I can't talk about half of them here, but for what I can say...things have been shaken up a bit. YES...THINGS.

I am not graduating this year. I talked to a degree advisor, and apparently I am five courses short of graduating...so I have some decisions to make. I need to determine when I take my courses and in what subjects. I also need to decide if I want to tack on a minor (which would be seven courses not five). I just need to remember that an extra two courses is an extra 1000 dollars...so yippee. One good aspect to this is that I have another chance to try for manuscript writing. It feels like unfinished business to me. I think I have a better idea for the project as well, so I'll make sure to update on that while I go.

In the meantime, I'm in the middle of trying to catch up with a lot of the activities I've been engaging in. On of them is my video editing (which is going a lot faster now that I have a computer capable of better quality encoding). I'm working on my Legends of Aranna LP, and trying to finish Dungeon Keeper 1. In the meantime, I may post some useless video to let people know I'm not giving up on the account.

As for WMRR, it hasn't gone anytwhere in awhile. I'll admit I've been distracted by games and books. Speaking of books, Republic of Thieves is finally out. I just remembered when I was writing this...only there are no books in stores, and it'll take up to a month to ship. I'm just happy that I'll get it. I've been waiting a LONG time.

Aftermath

I've been lazy with a lot of aspects of my life right now. I haven't been keeping up with regular writing due to this, but I'm finally getting back into it. I didn't check when my last post was, but I know it was over a month ago. So let's see...

I was sick constantly for a month. After three different strains of the flu I considered myself a walking biohazard. I had to go to court as a witness, which really took a lot out of me. My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago...been trying to think of an appropriate project that will honour her memory.

Now I'm dealing with the Christmas rush. I'm really looking forward to the holiday this year. I especially look forward to sitting under the Christmas tree with a cup of hot chocolate or chai while listening to music. I have to work for the season, but I'm happy to for once since I really enjoy the people I work with and the jobs I have (for the most part). I think I may have complained about one aspect of it earlier, but I should be careful what I say. I'll just note that I'm not pleased with any of the recent policies that have been implemented. We have lost a lot of people because of it, customer and employee.

Finishing up my classes. I have the last one tomorrow. I will be sad to leave it because I've made my first real friends from history in there. It's been fun. We're all supposed to bring in finger foods that represent us. I still don't have a food item! As for my other friends and projects...I've really been neglecting them.

I've retreated into this shell that I'm breaking out of again. The result of this has been some...interesting writing on my part. I wrote 10000 words in the span of 3 days, which is impressive since that's 1/7 of the material I have for my current version of WMRR...and that has taken me a couple of years. It's darker material for sure, but I think it's good for me to try new styles, approaches and content. I like the concept behind it, but I don't know if I'll be able to flesh the whole work out. I've also been writing poetry (le gasp), but I'm not ready to share it. I currently have it on a DeviantArt account of mine, but the name, for now, shall remain a secret. It's not that good anyway.

And it involves a disgusting amount of angst.

As for video editing, I have a new computer, but I messed up the installation of my Windows OS. I wanted to be able to boot into either a Mac OS or a Windows OS, but I can only boot into the Windows at this time. Therefore I cannot install video editing and recording software until I have this sorted out. As such, I will be continuing with the Dungeon Siege LP and my Dungeon Keeper walkthrough. I plan on finishing both before the new year. That way, I can start fresh.

As for further writing...I have sent WMRR to a reader of mine...a trusted friend. She's going to give me a little feedback on the areas I need to improve on. I know it's breaking the rules, but I want a few opinions on the plot points. I'm going to be rewriting and taking stuff out eventually anyway. I will try and get chapter 13 and 14 done in December as well. Then again, I'll probably just end up writing more of the new project since it's in my mind at the moment.

For now, I focus on the last bits of school, my final and a short paper, and coming up with a delectable finger food.

Also...Skyrim. Let's just say...I may or may not have about 70 hours of gameplay thus far. Haven't even touched Assassin's Creed Revelations yet!

I have a problem.

String Cheese Manifesto

So my shit-tascular week is thankfully over. Tomorrow I'll get my poorly-written first short story torn to itty bitty bits. My class is generally good about being gentle with such matters, but it will be painful none-the-less. I am planning on actually going to all my classes this week (perish the thought) and I also plan to write like a madman...er woman.

I had about 4 days where I did absolutely nothing. I had to put my dog down last week, which really wounded me in a lot of ways. I'm still recovering. I'm just glad she had a long, mostly healthy life (nearly fifteen years...where the last year she was ill with Cushings). I'll miss her a lot, but I think after a weekend of mourning, spending time with family and friends and being lazy, I am ready to get serious about school and writing again.

I have two tiny little pieces breaking up chapter 8 and 9, which I am actually going to finish today (horray for outragiously long delays). Then I can move on to something completely different, chapter 10. I'm excited to write this one. Here we get a perspective deviating from what I've been writing for the first 90ish pages (it will be around 90 when I'm done the two chapters). I will post a completion percentage update later today when I'm done.

In other news, I have a Dungeon Keeper mission to play and record, my hours at work have been drastically reduced (THANK GOD), I get the Thanksgiving weekend off, we are probably not going to Vegas because we are all dirt-poor and I posted my first assignment in Fiction II here: http://drschwa.deviantart.com/#/d2zyycl. Some wonderful person favourited it. That made my day Saturday. It's not my finest work by any means, but I had a lot of fun writing it, which is what counts in the end.

More news unrelated to me!

All writers that come across this should check out:
http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2010/feb/09/the-dull-new-global-novel/
This is disturbing in many ways. Good that works can be shared globally...bad in every other sense...

Contests!

First Person Narrative National Essay Contest
Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives
This Year’s Topic ~ Where I Come From
Essay Length ~ 2000-2500 words.
1st prize $500.00
2nd prize $300.00
3rd prize $200.00

With a special prize of $100.00 for Best Under Nineteen
Prizewinning essays will be selected by award-winning writer and CBC Radio Host
Bill Richardson and by Anne Fleming critically acclaimed author and creative writing teacher.

Submission Due Date ~ November 1, 2010
Prize Winners announced ~ December 10, 2010

Entries should be typed, single-sided, and double-spaced with your name, address and story title on a separate sheet. Parent/Guardian signature required for anyone under 19. Forms can be found on our web site. Entry fee is $10.00 payable to Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives by cheque. Free for anyone under 19. Contest details available at www.clga.ca

Send your stories, with payment, to
Jennifer Coffey
Managing Editor, QA
106 Walpole Avenue
Toronto ON M4L 2J3
The contest is open to all ages and all backgrounds.
All entries will be considered for publication in Keeping Our Stories Alive, Volume 1, A Journal of the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives.

ANDDDD ANOTHER ONE (For Canadians only sorry!)

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
18th Annual Short Prose Competition
for Developing Writers
$2,500 PRIZE

The Writers’ Union of Canada is pleased to announce that submissions are being accepted until November 10, 2010
for the 18TH ANNUAL SHORT PROSE COMPETITION FOR DEVELOPING WRITERS.
The winning entry will be the best Canadian work of 2,500 words in the English language, fiction or nonfiction, written by an unpublished author.

PRIZE
$2,500 for the winning entry and the entries of the winner and finalists will be submitted to three Canadian magazines.

JURY
Writers Tarek Fatah, K.V. Johansen, and Sharon Pollock will serve as the jury.

ELIGIBILITY
This competition is open to all Canadian citizens and landed immigrants who have not had a book published by a
commercial or university press in any genre and who do not currently have a contract with a book publisher. Original
and unpublished (English language) fiction or nonfiction.

HOW TO SUBMIT ENTRIES:
· Entries should be typed, double-spaced, in a clear twelve point font, and the pages numbered on 8.5 x 11 paper,
not stapled.
· Submissions will be accepted by hardcopy only.
· Include a separate cover letter with title of story, full name, address, phone number, e-mail address, word count,
and number of pages of entry.
· Please type the name of entrant and the title of entry on each numbered page. This is not a blind competition.
· Make cheque or money order payable to The Writers' Union of Canada. Multiple entries can be submitted
together and fees can be added and paid with one cheque or money order, $25 per submission.
· Entries must be postmarked by November 10, 2010 to be eligible. Results will be announced in February 2011.
· Mail entries to: WFC Competition, The Writers’ Union of Canada, 90 Richmond Street East, Suite 200,
Toronto, ON M5C 1P1.
Results will be posted at www.writersunion.ca. Manuscripts will not be returned.


WOW long post. Last, but certainly not least...

Lately we've been talking in class about the differences between Albertan (North American Western) writers and other larger centres of writing like New York and Ontario. All those huge writing centres are so cut-throat and competative, which is good in a lot of ways, but after our class discussions, I have a new respect from writers who aren't attracted to those places. I recently went to a reading here in Calgary, and all the writers and other literature-related people were all so kind and talkative. We all don't mind helping each other out and sharing our writing experience with each other. Maybe this is because we aren't a HUGE centre of writing, but this is why I share contests and news. I like that kind of cooperative community.

Canada Day! Yeah!

I would have wished my fellow Canadians a Happy Canada Day yesterday, but I was out all day at a bachelorette party and I didn't come home in the best condition. Was an interesting day with a lot of firsts to me. First time going out of the city with a group of people I barely know. By this I mean pretty much everyone, but the bachelorette, and even then I've only known her for a little while. It was so nice of her sister to invite me though. I also went to the rodeo for the first time ever. It wasn't bad...the bull riding was the most interesting. It was super cold with the wind though, so I got a chill. Last first for me was going to Ranchman's, a country/Western bar in Calgary. Thank God no one asked me to dance. I hate dancing. Other than that it was a decent night. Missed fireworks, but it's not like I haven't seen fireworks before.

I really wanted to write last night and edit my next video, but I decided that being a little bit tipsy wasn't the best state to do it in. Okay a little more than a bit tipsy, but I didn't wake up with a hangover today. In fact I feel quite chipper. I am going to crack down on that this weekend and fianlly finish some work. I have no school anymore and I think I'm opting ut of an Edmonton trip. I'm a little low on money and I won't get paid at the earliest until 2 weeks from now. I really need my government GST rebates. Aside from wishing I wrote more of WMRR, I wrote a really crappy short story as my final project and I used a little bit of Dreamstate in it. I really think I'm dillusional half the time.

Also sunburns hurt. Worst part is that once the burn goes away, I'll be just as white as I was to begin with.