EDIT RAGE

I'm reading "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" by Michael Chabon for my Writer's and Comics class this term. Let me just say this right now. Mr. Chabon, you better hide your thesaurus. I will find it, and I will burn it.

I haven't been so torn about opinion on a book in a long time. Usually I can say, yes, this book is horrible in plot, but has magnificent writing. Or perhaps I can say that the concept and ideas are fantastic, but the writing is complete trash unworthy of the dirtiest landfill. This book? My God I can't make up my mind. I almost put the book down after the opening sentence. It was horrible. I haven't read a first sentence in a book as bad as this in ages. It made me want to cry. Then about halfway through the first paragraph I found "...he would learnedly expound." Why. Why did you have to say "learnedly expound"? It's awful. Then he shocked me with his descriptions. I haven't encountered anything like them. So strange, and yet...most of them work. I revelled in the beauty of the "flatulent poison-green ribbon"(6), and was in awe of "to bend and crimp the armature of a sturdy and elegant plan"(16) (though I had to use a dictionary to decide what the exact definitions of the words were to understand what the hell he was talking about...and I still don't really know). His way with words is amazing.

And frustrating. I have to keep a dictionary on hand while reading this work. It's not like I don't understand the words a lot of the time, it's just he uses precise definitions to glean meaning out of the words used. It's infuriating. I swear, he took a simple word, flipped to it in a thesaurus and stuck in something elegant in order to sound smart and profound. It makes me want to destroy the nearest object to me. Take for example, the most ridiculous line I have seen in a book for years: "But in his imaginings, Sammy found that, for the first time in years, he was able to avail himself of the help of a confederate." My God every time I read it I feel like I've killed a puppy, and I didn't even write it. Seriously, there are commas and stops in places that there shouldn't be, the sentence starts with "but", and it's long and broken. Oh, but we're just avoiding the elephant in the room here. Because, while all the points mentioned above are used effectively in writing, there's one detail that can't be forgiven.

"...avail himself of the help of a confederate."

What. The. Hell.

I am sorry, but there's a whole list of words that could have been used that would have made this sentence sound all right. Be passable. No, we don't do that here. It took me about five reads to understand what this meant. I was ripped out of the narrative to go to the dictionary, look up all the exact definitions of "avail" and "confederate", not because I don't know what they mean, but because I needed EXACT dictionary definitions to be able to decipher the meaning. For those of you at home, it essentially means that he could "see himself making use of an alliance." In context, Kavalier and Clay are in bed (it sounds worse than it actually is you pervs) discussing Kavalier's arrival in America and his ambitions. So Clay began to think of partnering with Kavalier to make comics. Why did we need to confuse everyone? This makes no sense.

Aside from my rage, the book is pretty captivating in story. When I'm not being dragged out by my pinkie toe into the cold by horrible sentences and stupid words, I actually enjoy the narrative. I recommend the book to anyone, but the editor in me is about one horrible sentence away from finding Mr. Chabon and using his thesaurus to beat some literary sense into him.

I don't care that he won the Pulitzer Prize.

Sorry if I sound like a pretentious dick, I just had to get this rant out. That sentence...God...

Also, for another interesting and annoying point concerning the term "Caterpillar Scheme" in the novel, visit:
http://paulmichaelmurphy.blogspot.com/2010/11/lesson-from-michael-chabon.html

Because I completely agree

Six Years

And I finally have a word count to match what I had in version 1 of WMRR. I am closing in on the halfway mark. Ten thousand words and I'm there. That's incredibly exciting.

Chapter 10

So I figured out how to write the chapter. As well as chapter 11, Dan's Interlude and a large part of the ending. I can guarantee that it will change, but at least I have bearings. I've started writing the chapter, but I'm stuck trying to come up with a cheesy one-liner. It involves over the top orange-red hair and creepy glasses. More importantly, I've figured out aspects of Dan's character which I was uncertain to before. I like this new Dan, and I hope when the time comes anyone else reading WMRR in the future will share the same sentiment.

I'm done with retail. This job I am finishing up this week has taught me a lot, and pissed me off a lot. I have had to fight tooth and nail to get days off and change my availability. I have had to combat incompetence and ridiculous politics that I haven't encountered anywhere else. I feel sorry for the coworkers I'm leaving behind. They are in for a lot of shit in the upcoming months. To be clear, I didn't cause this upheaval directly, but I have definitely affected the random policies set up in the past few months. One had to deal with my uncertain schedule. The other had to do with me being attacked while taking the garbage out. I still hope I don't have to go to court on that one, but the package I was sent was really ambiguous about it. Whatever. People are creeps. Nothing is going to change that. As long as I get to screw this guy over by making it difficult for him to get a job anywhere for the next few decades of his life. I'm not spiteful at all.

New horizons are now appearing before my eyes! Or something. I am in the business of writing and editing now. I am going to do everything in my power to become a professional editor in the next little while. This, along with the completion of WMRR, is my goal. I HAVE A GOAL.


The world truly is coming to an end.

Throw a Freaking Party

I have finally, officially, adverbally, finished chapter 9. It is done. It took me an eon, but it is finished. I have a complete segment of WMRR. The sad part is I am probably only a little over a third done. In the final final edit I will probably be cutting out 10% of what I wrote, but right now that doesn't matter. Why? Because I'm DONE CHAPTER 9 YEAHHHHH.

So Chapter 10. How the hell am I going to write this one?

Oh and....

Current rough draft completion: 47%
Overall completion: 35%
Word Count: 51, 094

Blugh?

I read differently.

I discovered I enjoy trashy novels, but only if they are passable. Only if they can be redeemed. I am currently reading "Age of Ra" by James Lovegrove. It is a horribly cheesy, cliched book full of death, horrible sentences, plot holes and hilarious usage of BIG WORDS, but it's entertaining. It's a fun book. Essentially the Egyptian gods have defeated all other religions and pantheons and have become the sole gods on earth. Two warring factions were created because of this: ones who worship Osiris and the others who worship Nephthferereiriewshfdhswhateverthenameis (seriously I can't pronounce ph and th together, so all the letters after them look EXACTLY like that to me while reading). The only place neutral is "Freegypt"...which is pretty much Egypt. This notion is fantastic. This irony is actually funny. So far, there's been soldiers dying, commanders spewing nonsense and over-the-top cliche lines, ANCIENT EGYPTIAN LASER BEAMS (I am not shitting you here...just like YTAS man), getting lost in deserts, sodomy (...), random love interests and a lot of random bullshit about the gods that sort of makes sense but needs cleaning up. This my friends, is the kind of exercise my brain needs. The writing and story is good enough that I can stay engaged and bad enough that I can edit as I go. I found a new hobby!

WMRR progress is slow as usual. I have finally, FINALLY typed "Chapter 10" on a page. This, my friends, is the double digits. This is where it gets real. OH YES. That said I still have a tiny portion of chapter 9 to write which includes a short discussion and a description of Joey and Jennifer Strongback. Yes I'm going to leave that ambiguous. Excuse me while I grin stupidly.

School starts on Monday. I have mixed feelings. I want to go back and take another stab at school. At the same time, I got the outline for my 500 level history course. Two individual presentations, a research paper and a participation mark worth 25%. The bright side? Well there's no final? Blugh.

Constantly making up new words.

YA POOPIN?








No, I will not explain.

Critiquing

I have added a new section to the EGAWT involving critiquing. I'm not sure how good it is because the people I sent it to didn't give me any feedback. At all. So meh. I plan to go through the entire guide some day and make sure it doesn't sound horrible. At any rate...

Critiquing

Still waiting on someone to send me the poetry section. I doubt that will ever happen. Also still waiting for feedback concerning two short stories. I doubt that will ever happen either. At least I got them critiqued in class, which is the most useful feedback I could ever ask for. I strive, as an aspiring editor, to always give my 100% when editing and critiquing writing.

I extend the offer I made on my site (that no one visits but whatever) to anyone who reads this. I will edit and critique anyone who asks it of me. Depending on the length depends on how fast I can get it back to you. I will give a thorough read, with edits, comments and suggestions. The only pieces I refuse to take are unedited ones. If I catch more than a couple typos on one page (even then) I will stop editing then and there and make you read it over and send me a new copy before I touch it again, I can't be bothered to edit stupid little details when an author's read will accomplish the same.

That aside...WINTER BREAK YEAH. Still not any less stressful with all the stuff I need to get done, but I'm done school. And that is good. I will hopefully get tons of reading and writing done. I need to record the next few levels of Dungeon Keeper and post them on YouTube. I have also been assigned "What the Crow Said" by Robert Kroetsch...but I have yet to find it in any local bookstore. I will probably need to get it through the mail.

AS for WMRR...it has been on hold since I last wrote in...Novemberish? I have so many ideas for the next few parts, but I haven't been able to justify sitting and writing for a few hours when I needed to study and write papers....and yet I found time to play Fire Emblem, Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty...

Nevertheless, I will make efforts to get even the BARE MINIMUM out on paper. This book should have been done in six months. It's taken me nearly six years. Maybe six years. I don't know anymore.

Musicz

Some...inspirational pieces.

Carry on my Wayward Son - Kansas
Where Mighty Rivers Run - Immediate Music
Ravenous - X-Ray Dog
Wasting Time - Red
Preliator - Globus
Pale - Within Temptation
Dwarf Village - Overlord
Rocky Mountains - Jesper Kyd
Main Title Bloodmoney - Jesper Kyd
Brain Stew Godzilla Remix - Greenday

Because they are awesome.

AC - Lonely Souls - Unkle
Diabolic Clockwork - Two Steps From Hell
Power of Darkness - Two Steps From Hell
Assortment of X-ray Dog
Out! - Lunatica
Take Me Away - Globus
Final Battle - OVerlord
Canon Rock - Funtwo
Dungeon Keeper 2 Battle Music
Junkie XL Colossus REmix
I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU