Crossroads

This time last summer I began what would be the toughest year of my life. Looking back one year, I feel like it has been a lot longer. I've been very lucky to have a loving family that I have been close to, and quite frankly sheltered by, for many years. I'm at a crossroads in my life, like many other people my age, where I'm just trying to figure myself out and come to terms with all that's happened. I feel like I need to move on from a lot of this before I can seriously start writing again. It may even encourage me to write more or write better. Point is, I have no idea what to do with my life. I understand myself better in many respects, but mostly I just confuse myself. I know what I like, what I want, and yet I've completely lost sight of the few goals that I had. I need to reassert those goals, or WMRR is never going to be completed.

I don't take criticism very well. I take everything way too personally, which may be a product from my time on YouTube. I use it because it's one constant source that I can share my interests and communicate with people in ways I can't otherwise. I love to make videos, but the stress to constantly produce and deal with the people who insult and demean rather than give constructive pointers really gets to me. Makes me angry mostly, because these people have nothing of importance to say. It's a useless waste of letters, data and time. Lately I'm just crushed by the constant drivel I have to deal with and am seriously contemplating taking a break from video production. True, I get more positive feedback than negative, but I have other aspects like writing, friendships, job hunting, work and personal growth that I could be pouring this time and energy into instead of videos. I will finishing Dungeon Siege 2, because I hate unfinished business, but I can't say if I'll be immediately moving on to Broken World. 

I want to be in a place where WMRR jumps to the top 5 priorities in my life. Since my last post I've only written about 300 words. I just can't find a pocket of time I can have to myself before 11pm at night, and by that time I'm too tired to do any work. This makes me extremely frustrated, because the same is true for recording. I need seclusion, time and silence for both activities, which I just don't have anymore. And this means absolutely NO interruptions. I want to finish WMRR. I want to finish it so bad so I can go back, edit and fix everything. There are so many glaring mistakes that just eats away at me, but I can't let myself go back and fix yet because I'll end up rewriting the entire work again. 

My goal then is to have WMRR done in rough draft by the end of this year. I have made goals like this before, but I need to seriously work at it like I did a few years ago when I wanted to enter that contest. I want this story finished, even if it never sees publication, I want to know that I can complete a work as large as WMRR. So as a fair warning, I may be making a lot of changes to my goals and priorities in the next while. You have been warned.

I'm resisting the urge to put a smiley face on the end of that last sentence.

BALLS

So it turns out that the new release date for Republic of Thieves is JANUARY 10, 2012. BALLS AND A HALF. It's enough to make you cry rivers of madness. Yeah, even I don't know what that means. I was hopeful that it would be this year, maybe even October or November...but no. No that hope was dashed today at that fateful Chapters book search station in Chinook. I thought I'd post an update on that here since that's one of the reasons people are actually finding this blog. So...you're welcome?

Man, this book had better be good. At least it hasn't been 12 years (Duke Nukem Forever anyone? Not that I ever played the originals...and the game looks pretty...not what I'd like.)

Also, speaking of stuff that never gets made, published or written...I finished Dan's interlude. Finally. It's long. I'll probably need to cut a few parts out, but I'm not sure which ones yet. That or I need to make Dedrad's part A LOT longer. I probably should anyway because his interlude isn't as interesting.

I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I think that the place I'm going to insert a lot of explanation on the mechanics of my world in Chapter 1. I need to rewrite it anyways because it's...not fitting with the tone of the rest of the story the way I want it to. So right now I have Chapter 1 and Dedrad's Interlude first on the docket for overhaul when I'm done this. If ever.

Lordy I still have a long way to go. There's an element I'm debating about the end. I am no where close to writing it, but need to decide what's going to happen to two of the characters. I'm hoping that the story will just reveal the answer as I write, but either way, I'm not sure if I'll be completely satisfied with either alternative.

I've made tons of progress in the last year. It's funny because I look back to March of last year and I had JUST finished Dedrad's interlude. Calculating the progress from there until now, this means that I will take another two years to finish this. I'm not liking those stats. I'm going to try and get this done before summer 2012 (NOT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS "ENDING"). I'm planning a 3 month trip to Europe that summer and I want the completion of this to be a reason for celebrating with that trip (aside from...you know graduating university...). I have a lot of work to do, and that's not taking into account school work, work work and any other incidents that may crop up in the meantime.

I am also horrible at setting goals and deadlines for myself. Heh, heh.

Chapter 10

So I figured out how to write the chapter. As well as chapter 11, Dan's Interlude and a large part of the ending. I can guarantee that it will change, but at least I have bearings. I've started writing the chapter, but I'm stuck trying to come up with a cheesy one-liner. It involves over the top orange-red hair and creepy glasses. More importantly, I've figured out aspects of Dan's character which I was uncertain to before. I like this new Dan, and I hope when the time comes anyone else reading WMRR in the future will share the same sentiment.

I'm done with retail. This job I am finishing up this week has taught me a lot, and pissed me off a lot. I have had to fight tooth and nail to get days off and change my availability. I have had to combat incompetence and ridiculous politics that I haven't encountered anywhere else. I feel sorry for the coworkers I'm leaving behind. They are in for a lot of shit in the upcoming months. To be clear, I didn't cause this upheaval directly, but I have definitely affected the random policies set up in the past few months. One had to deal with my uncertain schedule. The other had to do with me being attacked while taking the garbage out. I still hope I don't have to go to court on that one, but the package I was sent was really ambiguous about it. Whatever. People are creeps. Nothing is going to change that. As long as I get to screw this guy over by making it difficult for him to get a job anywhere for the next few decades of his life. I'm not spiteful at all.

New horizons are now appearing before my eyes! Or something. I am in the business of writing and editing now. I am going to do everything in my power to become a professional editor in the next little while. This, along with the completion of WMRR, is my goal. I HAVE A GOAL.


The world truly is coming to an end.

Inspired by the Cow

Yes, I am inspired by the cow.

Well two weeks into school and I'm already a little burnt out. I think I may have to blame this one on work and a manager's incompetence. Apparently "can't work more than 15-20 hours a week" means "available to work 34 hours with 3 weekend closing shifts". I need to have a little chat with this woman. It just surprises me that I would be booked almost full-time at work when my GM KNOWS I am a full time student. I also seem to have to write my requests for days off three times before they are "valid". I still haven't gotten approval for the third request. Regardless, I AM leaving for the duration of November 11-14. If work has a problem with that, they can expect me to quit right in the middle of Christmas maddness =D I think I really am the evil twin.

I am happy to be writing a lot again. I just finished writing one of my first assignments which was a "Writing Manifesto". I may have to re-write it since I didn't check the specifications before starting (and finishing), but hopefully it'll be all right. I might end up posting it here either way. I had fun writing it. Due at the same time is my first short story, which I haven't started yet. I'm getting close to getting all the details worked out, so all is good. I will try and finish more of WMRR in between random readings and other homework.

In other news, my dog is dying. I'm not really sure how I'm going to take this, and my guess is not good. I haven't dealt with much loss. I am lucky to have all four of my grandparents alive and to have known them all for as long as I did. Most of them aren't doing so well either, so I'm scared. Anyhow, Dinah has a tumor in her liver, which has been there over a year now and is being managed. However, over the last 6 months (since her anxiety attack), she has been gradually eating less and getting scary skinny. Over the last week she has nearly stopped eating altogether. She has also started to walk hunched-over and off to one side. We took her to the vet on Monday, and it's one of three things: a random phase that dogs sometimes go through, a stroke, or a brain tumor. I'm thinking it was a minor stroke, mainly because of the way she is walking. We got results yesterday from blood tests saying she has kidney disease, which means her body is being poisoned. We got medicine today, but I don't know if it will work. I'm hoping she'll last to Christmas at least. She's been with us fifteen years, and is a huge part of my family.

I guess all I really have to say otherwise is that I'm still recording Dungeon Keeper (though very slowly), I'm turning the random forum I made into an information cache (because I fail =p) and I will hopefully retain a lot of my sanity after the 34 hour work week of hell. Yay! OH and I have a book recommendation. "Poets and Pahlevans" by Marcello di Cintio is a Calgarian non-fiction writer whose book is about wrestling and poetry in Iran. Two reasons I recommend this book: he's local for me, so that's cool, and he's an amazing writer. I have been interested since I picked it up. That hasn't happened much lately.

Also...WTF DID THIS VENGABOYS SONG COME FROM, HOW DID IT GET ON MY PLAYLIST AND WHY IS IT PLAYING? AAAAAAAAAA Seriously random.

Smells Nutty

I think sugar is the answer.

I have no idea where that huge depressive post came from before. One of those days I guess. As for writing, I think I'm ready to try again. I have to remember that if I want something, or want to get it done, I need to fight for it. None of this is going to come easy and the longer and harder I fight, the more I learn and the better I get. I'm ready to continue WMRR and Westwrimo. I love to write and I need to remember that when I get discouraged. I am not writing to sell. I am not writing to get fans and fame. I am not writing because I have to. I write because I love to write. It is what I do and who I am.

I have completed the bookshelf overhaul, and I must say it looks quite snazzy. I've got a shelf of classics, a doubled-up shelf of fantasy and science fiction, half a shelf of Canadian Authors, half a shelf of random books or an "odd shelf" (a term I picked up from Anne Fadiman's collection of essays entitled "Ex Libris"), a shelf of history/historical fiction and general fiction, and a shelf of graphic novels and horror (I included Sherrilyn Kenyon here since I don't have a "Romance" section and I don't consider her "Romance" overall...I'm also getting good at spelling her name without looking). The bottom shelf is reserved for my Sonic the Hedgehog comics collection (no comment please) and the very top shelf has borrowed books (because I need to remember what doesn't belong to me), religious books and larger series (like "Harry Potter" and the "Series of Unfortunate Events". My desk shelves contain manga and movies and my closet contains children and preteen books. Last but not least is my old nighttable with a large compartment below. This has all my English anthologies, language books, style guides and dictionaries. So now that my random project is complete and my bookshelf is looking rather top-heavy, I think I'm ready to get down to some serious work.

I will finish chapter 8 this week even if it kills me. And I mean that literally. My work keeps booking me for closing shifts. I even have a random 10 hour shift this week, which I am not pleased about. I also need to insert some important exposition into the prologue and chapter 3 concerning politics, the government structure and motivations. This won't be easy. Ash's motivations are the most important here. Poten's are easy (except in one tiny area that I've yet to work out). Ash is the real wild card here that I need to hammer out before I get further in the story. Something BIG will be happening in the next 4 chapters, which I'm stoked for. Chapter 8 is first on the list though. Once that is nice and complete in a pretty little package, I can move on.

Also, I decided I need to work more shifts with Jessica. Who knew RTV tags, nutty smelling boxes, random smelling soaps and the stickers on the bottom of glasses could be so amusing?

Oh God a Spork

Well I haven't had much progress on well...anything. At least not this month. I've been dealing with a lot of or random BS this month, which is really weird for the summer. I haven't been feeling too great the last few weeks, mostly because of a lack of sleep. Only half of that is intentional. I've been having all these weird dreams and keep waking up at random points of the night. I sort of have a reason, but I highly doubt anyone would understand or believe me if I wrote them here so let's just say I've been restless.

New job is going quite well, especially now that I've gotten to know a lot of the people I work with. Most of them are women, so tons of random hormones and politics at work. It's like a giant messy game I get paid to play. It's also a lot more exhausting than any other job I've worked, and I don't even do full 8 hour shifts. Customers are pushy, rude and more or less ignorant (in more than one way). There are exceptions of course, but I find I'm liking the stock shifts A LOT more. I get to work in peace with people that I actually like. I can carry drinks around and swear as well, but that's just between you and me.

As for writing, this is the first day in a long time I've sat down to write something serious. I'm sitting at Higher Ground in Kensington drinking tea, eating a sandwich and waiting for a friend to arrive. I've also joined up with some other friends in a unofficial Nanowrimo called "Westwrimo". For those of you that don't know, Nanowrimo is a writing event held in November where you write a short novel in a month (approx. 50,000 words). This is basically the same idea, only it's the whole summer and it's Western themed. I have never read nor written a Western in my life. The only true Western movie I've seen was "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." So this should be interesting. I don't think I'll have enough done to use for my portfolio...which is essentially due for me next week. Aaaaaaaa

WMRR is on hold for a little while. I need to get my ducks in a row and bees in a line before I can count them, order them and squirt them with a water pistol. Now I know what you're thinking, and yes this is a giant, dirty mop that I am holding. I discovered it at work and decided that I'm going to wield it and instate it as a new form of weaponry. It's like a staff, but so much wetter and dirtier. Also it sounds really awkward when you scream "BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY DIRTY MOP" while you run up and down aisles as snobbish jazz music plays like elevator music. I may or may not have done this. All I can really say is...

A STORM IS COMING.

...literally, there's scary ass clouds all over the place outside and the trees are going nuts because of the wind. Wtf is up with weather in Calgary lately.

PS – I may have a special insanity reserved for whenever I drink green tea.